FOR THE SAKE OF MY MENTAL HEALTH CAN SOMEONE PLEASE POST THE FOOTAGE
FOR THE SAKE OF MY MENTAL HEALTH CAN SOMEONE PLEASE POST THE FOOTAGE
@suigenerisdusk started following you
- ur otp + hair ruffling (●´∀｀●)
- ur otp + butterfly kisses (✿◠‿◠)
- ur otp + nose bumps (◡‿◡✿)
- ur otp + cuddling in a blanket (◕‿◕✿)
- ur otp + forehead kisses (〜￣▽￣)〜
The Fool: Something you’ve always wanted to try
The Magician: Something you’re very good at
The Hireophant: Something you believe in
Gods I think I’ve rambled enough XD Thank you so much though :D I never get ask so this was such a joy (hence all the rambling). If you want you can have the one card reading for free since you did the ask :)
it worries me that a lot of the 50 shades criticism is revolved around it being “inaccurate bdsm!!!!”
and you know, not the fact that its an abusive fucking relationship
newsflash people: 50 shades is misogynistic and abusive with or without accurate bdsm
The reason the critiques focus on BDSM is because it is a BDSM novel. If we were talking about a Vanilla relationship we would, arguably, not be comparing it to BDSM qualifications and standards of abuse.
The critique that it is “inaccurate to BDSM practice” comes from the facthat it portrays abuse in the first place- a stereotype we, the community, have fought long and hard againt only to see the rise in popularity of a trilogy and now movie which glorifies and romanticizes every stereotype we have fought long and hard to overcome.
On another note we’ve made great effort to include the critique that “50 Shades of Grey” is not only inaccurate portrayal of BDSM, but is also abuse by both Vanila (non-BDSM) and BDSM criterion- and has actually been the subject of multiple studies proving so.
- Little Miss
comments like these ignore the rampant abuse in the kink community. there certainly is abusive bdsm. it doesnt matter how many times kinksters say, “its not bdsm if its abusive!!!!”.
there is still abuse in the bdsm community, exactly like the abuse portrayed in 50 shades
Both Little Miss and I have dedicated much of our time to seek out resources for abuse survivors, resources for evaluating abusive behavior and where the limits are in BDSM relationships.
Our critique of 50 Shades is not an excusal of the reality of abuse in the community, it is a critique of the fact that the book is romanticizing abuse, just like Twilight did. This blog is highly dedicated to providing resources and challenging those ideas, so please do not paint us as though we are attempting to excuse bad behavior.
This blog is what we refer to as kink critical, and we are very much of the mind that no action taken in a BDSM context is above reproach, and everything should be evaluated and approached with caution and honesty.
If you have any questions or would like to go through our abuse resource tag you will notice that both of us will always mention the importance of safety, how to get help in abusive situations, how to recognize them and how to avoid them in almost any ask that we take about BDSM.
Trust me, we at DD are far from people who ignore the abusers and abuse in our community. One look at our blog? Would very easily show you how much of a focus we have on abuse here.
But I disagree. I don’t think saying "Hey, this misrepresents BDSM and is abuse by both BDSM and Vanilla criterion" is ignoring that abuse is a possibility and happens within the BDSM community.
I don’t think it’s ignoring that we do have a high rate of abusers within our midst, hiding among genuine practitioners because people think that they can use BDSM as an excuse that abuse… Something that is greatly thanks to eras of inaccurate media portrayals just like “50 Shades”, lack of education, shitty stereotypes, and more; things which take and claim "it’s not abuse if it’s BDSM" as a sarcastic way of mocking BDSM and a small portion of what it entails- usually by half or wholly uneducated individuals who haven’t even delved far enough to know that S/M-based activities and relationships are very miniscule portions of BDSM in reality, even if they’re the most visible.
But the reality is the opposite: “It’s not BDSM if it’s abuse”; abuse done via BDSM isn’t BDSM. It’s abuse.
There isn’t “abusive BDSM”… BDSM cannot and should never be abusive because protection from abuse is built right into the system, right into our mantras, right into our protocol; the entire system works around and is entirely reliant on the idea of fully educated, fully informed consent to actions which are found wholly mentally and physically enjoyable to all parties involved- consent that is non-manipulated, and non-coerced- and we have strict criteria that if any of these concepts (and more) are violated or are not present, then it is abuse.
Anything other than fully informed and fully educated consent is manipulated or coerced consent at best (and that’s being pretty generous in my eyes) and constitutes abuse; If you, in any way, deny full, complete, and accurate information to someone in order to manipulate them into performing or participating in an action that may be associated with BDSM, you are abusive; If you, in any way, attempt to shame, degrade, gaslight, or otherwise negatively psychologically impact an individual under your purview in any manner, you are abusive; There is a whole criterion, a whole section of behaviors which constitute abuse which are not too different from the criteria which constitutes abuse in Vanilla relationships. If you do any of these things, you are abusive, and what you are doing is abuse not BDSM.
This is not ignoring that abuse still happens. This is not ignoring that there are abusers in our community. This is not ignoring that our system may be easily manipulated by abusers to provide cover for their abuse. Abuse does happen. There are abusers everywhere- not just in our own community. We are no different than any other community in this regard. However, people who use the guise of Christianity to abuse others aren’t Christian they’re abusers and they’re not practicing Christianity they’re practicing abuse. Likewise, people who use BDSM to abuse others aren’t ”Kinksters”, they’re still abusers and what they’re practicing isn’t BDSM it’s abuse.
I will refuse to ever consider the ‘BDSM-mimicking” actions of abusers to be legitimate BDSM… There is only abuse done that attempts to use BDSM as the excuse or as the cover, and if it is abusive it’s not BDSM. It’s ignorance that continues to allow people to call these abusive behaviors "BDSM" and get away with it… But BDSM can only be BDSM if it follows the cornerstones of fully informed, fully educated consent to actions which do not meet any or all of the criteria set forth to be considered abuse and which are found to be wholly mentally and physically gratifying to all parties.
- Little Miss
Yes this is perfect — “But the reality is the opposite: “It’s not BDSM if it’s abuse”; abuse done via BDSM isn’t BDSM. It’s abuse.”
We don’t mean ‘no abuse happens in the BDSM community and no one can mimic or claim to be a BDSMer and abuse people’. We mean ‘WE UTTERLY REJECT THOSE WHO CLAIM THIS IS NOT ABUSE’. We reject those who argue that, because it utilises the popularised trappings of BDSM (not the actual markers of good BDSM), it’s not abuse. We reject the predators who use our community to stalk victims. We reject whole slews of people who claim to be safe and knowledgeable BDSMers and then go on to abuse people in this fashion. We acknowledge this is a very real and present issue that must be addressed. MUST BE.
I don’t care how much someone knows, who they know, how long they’ve been around or what a ‘member in good standing’ they are. If they view kink critical people as kink shamers and utilise their BDSM knowledge or status to perpetuate abuse and predate on vulnerable people they are NOT PRACTICING BDSM. They’re just an abuser who hides behind the trappings of our culture and uses our failures to self police in order to harm people.
- survivor of an abusive ‘Dom’ who said he knew all about ‘BDSM’ and acted just like Christian Grey.
She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is—a total contradiction that somehow balances out.